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What causes my anger and what can I do to feel better?

Updated: Feb 3




Anger is a pretty common emotion that everyone experiences at some point in their lives. It can range from mild irritation to intense rage and can be triggered by a variety of factors.


I'm going to look at the causes of anger, how it shows up, strategies for managing it and ways to prevent it from getting out of control.


So, first things first. the Causes of Anger


I'm going to look at the 5 most common causes of anger starting with


Frustration: This is probably, the most common causes of anger. When you can't do something or can't get someone to understand what you are saying or there's a gap between your expectation of how things should be, or how you feel about something and how it really is - the reality of it, can trigger anger.


Fear: Fear is probably the second most common cause and can trigger anger as a protective mechanism. When people feel threatened, triggered or unsafe, their instinct may be to respond with anger as a way to defend themselves.


Stress: High levels of stress can make some people more prone to anger. When stress accumulates and becomes overwhelming, it can manifest as anger as a kind of release mechanism.


Unmet Needs: Feeling neglected or ignored or when basic needs, such as food, safety, or emotional connection, are not met, it can lead to anger. 


Perceived Injustice: People often feel angry when they perceive that they or others have been treated unfairly or when witnessing or experiencing injustice.



So then we come to the Expressions of Anger


Anger can be displayed in so many ways, and can differ from person to person. These are of the  most common ways people express their anger:


Verbal aggression: Some people express their anger verbally by yelling, screaming, swearing, or getting involved in arguments 


Physical aggression: Some people get physically aggressive, which can lead to destroying property, fighting or self-harm.


Passive-aggressiveness: That's when instead of expressing anger directly, some people may resort to things such as sarcasm, giving the silent treatment, or intentionally neglecting their responsibilities.


Holding grudges: Holding onto anger over time can result in the development of long-term resentment and grudges, which can negatively affect relationships and impact on mental health.


Non-verbal cues: Facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice can convey anger even without them actually saying anything. You know when you just know that there's an issue but no one wants to take that on?


Then, naturally, we come to Managing Anger


Managing anger is clearly essential for maintaining healthy relationships and our overall well-being. So let's look at some strategies for dealing with anger: Obviously, we need to become mindfully aware of what we're thinking about so that we can:


Recognise the triggers: Being aware of the specific situations, people, or events that trigger your anger. When you understand your triggers and where you anger stems from, you can begin to deal with them and learn how to choose how to respond instead of reacting.


Take a step back: When you feel anger rising, take a step back to cool off and gain perspective. Deep breathing, counting to ten, having a hairband or visual reminder around your wrist or removing yourself from the situation temporarily can be helpful.


Communication: Express your feelings calmly and assertively, rather than aggressively. Use "I" statements to explain how you're feeling rather than blaming others. For example, "I find it really difficult to know what's expected of me when we work together." Rather than "You don't explain things well."


Problem-solving: Deal with the underlying issues that are contributing to your anger. This might be finding solutions to the things that scare you, frustrate you, that you feel guilty about or addressing what you can do to prevent injustice. Finding solutions to the root causes will be more productive than simply reacting to the anger itself.


Seek professional help: If you find it challenging to manage your anger on your own, you might want to think about having some coaching or counselling. It is often very difficult for us to be able to see why we are angry and know how to move away from it. Having a trained professional can help us to work things out and deal with the things that are causing us to be so quick to get angry.


Once we have learned how to identify what is making us angry, our triggers and have some  coping skills, we will want a way of Preventing Anger.


Preventing anger is an ongoing process that involves building resilience and having good coping skills. One or all of these might help you to take back control of the way you are feeling and living:


Practice stress management: Use relaxation techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, or exercise to reduce stress and it's potential to trigger anger.


Set realistic expectations: Avoid setting overly high or rigid expectations for yourself and others, which can lead to frustration and anger when they are not met.


Improve communication: Work on your communication skills, including listening to learn rather than to reply, trying to understand how they are feeling and working together to find ways to prevent misunderstandings and conflict going forward


Maintain a healthy lifestyle: Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and getting enough sleep can help regulate your mood and make you less prone to anger.


Get help: Don't hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or professionals for support and guidance when you're struggling with anger. You don't have to do this alone.


Conclusion

Anger is a natural emotion but it can become a real issue when it's not managed effectively. By understanding the causes of anger, recognising how you express it, and using strategies for managing and preventing it, you can learn how to lead a peaceful and fulfilling life and have healthier relationships.

Learning to control and ultimately prevent extreme anger is a really valuable skill that can improve overall well-being and lead to a much more positive and enjoyable life.


If this is ringing bells for you and you want t learn more about how you can manage your emotions, then please get in touch via my website. https://www.simplybe.org.uk/contact


Thanks for reading.

Chris.



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