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How to let go of the past and heal your pain.

Updated: Apr 4

Mental health service. Life coach. Mindset therapist. EFT practitioner. Hypnotherapist

If you were to monitor your thoughts each and every day, I think you'd be amazed to see how much time you spend thinking about the past.

Whether it's the weight of guilt for the things that you've done, or a lingering resentment, regret or even the heat of anger at someone else, living in the past can really hinder your ability to experience the present

Living in the Past:

Living in the past can control what happens in our present and our future. When I say living in the past, I'm talking about the times when you believe that things were better back then or when you keep going over in your mind the things that people have said or done to you or that you did to them. Ultimately living in a cycle of regret, guilt or judgement and this can affect your self-worth.

Resentment and anger, directed at others or yourself, are like toxic little seeds that poison your emotional well-being. These thoughts can become the foundation for your life, causing you to feel depressed, overwhelmed. The pain and your need for control, can cause you to create toxic relationships. It doesn't have to be like this. There is another way.

When you are constantly living in the past, you are not embracing the beauty of the here and now, the present moment.

Mindfulness as a Key:

Which neatly brings me to Mindfulness: The practice of being present and fully engaged in the current moment, without judgement.

By being mindful, you can observe your thoughts and emotions without getting tangled up in them. This awareness enables you to identify the beliefs that are holding you in the past and allows you to break free from the destructive cycle and create space for healing.

How to let go of the past and heal your pain:

Acceptance: Acknowledge that the past cannot be changed. It's already done. It happened and no matter how terrible it might have been and how you feel about it now. you've already done the hardest part. You lived through it and survived. When you hold onto all those negative feelings, they become toxic. They also become the filter that you see other people through and the emotional standard which you live your life by.

The thing that's causing you to still be hurt, angry, guilty or traumatised, is the thoughts that you are having about it. Working to move to a place of acceptance - that is that, it happened and you can't change that, means that you can now start to bring all of your thoughts and emotions into the present moment and start to unpick them so that they can't hurt you any more. Now obviously this can be quite a complex process and you might want some help from a professional like me to help you work through this. I find talking therapies, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique and Clinical hypnotherapy very powerful in helping my clients to release their emotional blocks and explore the subconscious thoughts about their past.

Forgiveness: Next comes an even harder part - forgiveness.  You need to find a way to be able to forgive yourself and or others. Holding onto grudges only continues the pain. Forgiveness is not about condoning what happened or even forgetting  about what went on, it's about releasing the emotional grip that they have on you. In essence, you holding onto a grudge is like you taking poison and expecting the other person to die. It's not going to happen and the only person that is going to get hurt, is you. One way of breaking this down maybe to write a letter to the person explaining how you feel so that you can get all the emotion and painful thoughts out of your head. DON'T give the letter to them, just the act of "having your say" can begin your healing. Then destroy the letter with the intention of letting go as the letter fades.

Release Control: Once you've worked through all of that and I appreciate that it's a lot to unpack (which is why I suggest that you work with someone). You need to let it go. You cannot control the past, it's already happened, you can't make someone apologise or change who they are and if you feel that you are the one that needs to apologise or change then obviously that is something that can be worked on but even then, you can't make someone accept your apology or appreciate the changes you've made. What you can do is choose how you are going to respond to it going forward. 

The Hawaiians have a practice called which has four steps

Ho'oponopono – The Hawaiian Healing Practice:

  • I'm sorry: Acknowledge any part you played in the situation.

  • Please forgive me: Express remorse and a sincere desire for forgiveness.

  • Thank you: Cultivate gratitude for the lessons learned.

  • I love you: Extend love and compassion to yourself and others involved.

They believe that by bringing the act into the present and repeating this prayer with meaning, the act can be forgiving relieving both the perpetrator and the victim of unwanted baggage. It does not mean their actions will be forgiven, just that, they have no energetic or emotional bond to the event.

Benefits of Letting Go:

Emotional Liberation: Letting go frees you from the emotional baggage that weighs you down, which creates space for new and exciting opportunities to present themselves. These opportunities can help you to live a more joyful and peaceful life.

Improved Relationships: Releasing resentment and anger means that you can step back and start to see people in a different light. You can begin to see them as they are, rather than as you want them to be. That enables you to move from a place of expectation, where you are likely to be disappointed to a place of acceptance which you can build on.  This is turn leads to more transparent and healthier relationships, both with yourself and others. This is especially helpful in difficult or toxic relationships.

Improved Well-being: When you can start to let go of the past, you can start to spend more time being present. Living in the present moment promotes mental and emotional well-being, because it is impossible to have negativity in the present moment (the whys and wherefores of that are another blog,so you're just going to have to go with me on that one) but what that means is that you can reduce stress,anxiety and guilt .

Manifesting Positive Change:  Freeing yourself of all this baggage and creating space emotionally, mentally and energetically means that you can now manifest new opportunities and positive experiences to enter your lives.

Letting go of the past is a life changing act of self-love and personal growth. By practicing mindfulness, forgiveness, and Ho'oponopono, you can start to help yourself to break free from the pain of the past.

Better still,as you begin to let go of the guilt, resentment and anger, that you have been holding onto, you can stop your past from controlling your future, potentially breaking free of destructive patterns of behaviour and the negative thoughts you may have formed about yourself. The thoughts and beliefs that have been holding you back and stopping you from reaching your potential. You can then open yourself up to the infinite possibilities of the present moment, allowing yourself to create a happier and more fulfilling future.

I hope you've found this quick look at how you can begin to let go of the past helpful.

If you would like some more information or want to chat about how we might work together then please get in touch.

Christine Maragkakis MCMA

Life and Mindset Therapist & Clinical hypnotherapist

07974 618499

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