One of the questions that I am asked the most is "How do you know when you're good enough?" Now whether it's in our personal relationships, careers, or any other aspect of life, the search for self-worth and validation for some might be a lifelong task, but there are ways to find contentment and self-confidence. So in this blog, I'm going to go through the signs and strategies to help you recognise when you are good enough.
Self-Acceptance
The first and most important step in understanding when you're good enough is practicing self-acceptance. It's crucial to recognise that we all have flaws and make mistakes. Absolutely no one is perfect and once you can accept this fact, other unrealistic expectations can be identified, challenged and changed.
So, embrace your imperfections and don't be too hard on yourself. Self-acceptance is about acknowledging your strengths so that you can design your life around them and get support for what you perceive as weaknesses. To do this, we need to be mindful.
When we start paying attention to who we really are, we can move toward being authentic and taking control and responsibility for our own life. This frees us from needing the approval of other people and reduces the amount of times when we give our power to other people. By this I mean that when we are worrying about what other people think of us, looking for their approval and acceptance, we are living a lie. We are not being who we really are, if we were, we wouldn't be trying to be what they think we should be or trying to live in a certain way. Our life would flow because, our energy and our focus would align with our higher self. When we are authentic, we take the pressure off ourselves because we no longer have to try so hard or worry about what someone else thinks we should be doing.
Each time we change to please someone else, we are literally saying - here, I give you the power over me to tell me how I should be and how I should live, how much money I should be making, what clothes I should be wearing, please like me now. The truth is that people will either like you or they wont and that is their choice. Each time you change for someone else, they are likely to move the goalposts because subconsciously, they know that they are in control and you will never gain the approval and confidence that you are searching for.
When you take back your power and accept who you are, warts and all and choose what works well for you and what you might want to work on, you are powerful and the energy that you give off will attract the right people to you. Consequently, people may also fade out of your life but that is not a bad thing. Anyone who doesn't support your growth and want the best for you, is not a positive influence and will not build your confidence and self worth
Goal Setting
Setting realistic and achievable goals can be a great indicator of when you are good enough. When you consistently set and meet your goals, it's obvious that you are making progress and achieving success in the various areas of your life. This then boosts your self-esteem and provides a obvious way to measure your worth. Make sure that the goals you set are what you want , not what you think you should want and don't be attached to the outcome. Not everything works out in the way we expect but if we have a positive, can do mindset, we will always learn and grow from the experience which builds our resilience and feelings of self worth.
A little tip here, break your goals down into small steps so that they are manageable and you can do something every day towards creating the life that you want. This way, you are more likely to stay focused and see things through.
Getting Feedback
Getting feedback from trusted friends, family or colleagues can be a useful tool for self-assessment. Constructive feedback can help you identify areas for improvement and recognise your strengths.It can open up solutions to problems that you may not have considered and may offer new opportunities and ideas for you to develop.
Remember that it's essential to differentiate between constructive feedback and criticism. In the workplace, there should be frequent opportunities for you to provide and be offered feedback. Done well, this can be an excellent tool for career progression and or leadership development. Lots of people have a negative view of feedback but try changing your mindset and instead of thinking of feedback as a judgment of your worth, think of it as an opportunity for growth.
Self-Reflection
Self-reflection is a powerful practice for gauging your personal growth and self-worth. Regularly taking time to assess your values, beliefs and goals can be hugely beneficial. Checking in with yourself to see if you're living in alignment with your core values can help you to stay true to yourself and living in the best way for you.
Paying attention to see if you making progress toward your dreams and goals can not only help you to stay motivated but also where to tweak and adapt before your plans become derailed. Regular self-reflection can also help you to identify the things that stress you out and become aware of unhelpful beliefs and behaviours or the triggers that cause you pain.
Journaling might be a useful tool here and these prompts may help you to get started.
What are my values and priorities?
Are my goals realistic?
How have I grown and learned from my experiences?
Do I respect and love myself for who I am, flaws and all?
Comparisons
Avoid comparing yourself to others. It's a waste of time and energy.
We are all different and each have our own path to take. When we compare ourselves to others, again, we are giving away our power and we can also never really know the truth of what we are comparing ourselves too. Maybe that person who looks like they have it all, is miserable or has had to make terrible sacrifices to have what they have. We also need to bare in mind, that we all see things through our conditioning and past experiences which again, might give us a false impression of what we are comparing ourselves to.
Acknowledging Achievements
Don't underestimate the effort you put into your life. Recognise that trying your best and putting in hard work is an accomplishment in itself. Some days, it may have been a huge achievement to get out of bed and get through the day. Celebrate that!
It's so easy to dismiss your efforts because it's you and we are all very good at putting ourselves down, but acknowledging them is an essential step in realising that you are good enough.
Embracing Failure
Failure is a natural part of life. It's how we grow.
When you can embrace failure as a learning opportunity rather than a personal failure, you're on your way to understanding your self-worth. In fact, you will have gained another superpower. Each setback is a chance to grow and improve, and it certainly doesn't diminish your overall value.
Conclusion
To sum up, the question of when you're good enough is a deeply personal one and the answer may vary for each individual. It's also essential to remember that self-worth is not static; it can change and evolve over time.
In my opinion, the key is to practice self-acceptance, to set and achieve goals, ask for feedback, engage in self-reflection, avoid unhealthy comparisons, find inner peace, recognise your efforts, and embrace failure.
If you say it fast enough it's all really easy!!
Seriously though, it's like most things in life, small consistent changes will be far more successful than big sweeping changes and the small changes soon layer up into a more confident, empowered, self actualised, you.
If you would like to start your coaching journey, then please get in touch for a chat to see how i can support you.
Chris. x
(+44 ) 07974 618499