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How do I overcome a fear of failure?

Updated: Feb 3

We tell children that they can't fail, that the word fail simply means First Attempt In Learning and we absolutely mean it.

Then we grow up and we are meant to know what to do and get things right every time. All of a sudden, we are no longer allowed to fail at anything and if we do we can be penalised and even feel inferior.

The best way to learn is through experience and then to mindfully analyse what we have experienced.

Our ego thinks that we are THE most important person and that we should have what we want or think we want , when we want it. We are attached to things working out a certain way. For example, by the time I'm 25 I should have a house, a car and a good job. When I'm 30, I should have a partner and children and on it goes.

When we don't have the things that we think we should we get frustrated or stressed, angry or depressed and see ourselves as lacking on some way.

There are 3 things to be aware of here.

1.These are external things to acquire and while we may achieve them, if we are not happy in ourselves, we will still feel that something is lacking and that we are not enough.

2.Who comes up with these silly ideas of what we should have achieved by when? We are all individuals with our own paths to walk. What works for someone else , won't necessarily work for you so be honest about how you want to live you life and commit to it. Measuring people by what they have rather than who they are is shallow and transient and says so much more about the emptiness of the life of the people judging you, than it does about you.

3. Why are you worrying about what you think you should have ? Focus on celebrating what you do have and be grateful for it. There is always someone worse off than you who would really love your life.

Try looking at things this way.

1. You are not the centre of everyone's universe. They are not watching your every move because they are preoccupied with their own issues. (If they are watching your every move, that's because they don't have a life of their own and that is not your problem.)

2. You are not here to impress them. You are here to find a way to impress yourself.

3. Be true to yourself. People will either like and respect you or they won't. When you are not trying to be someone for everyone, layers of underlying anxiety drop away. You can use the energy you are currently wasting on living the life that you want to live. When you are authentic, the people that will "get" you will be attracted into your life.

4. There are no such things as good and bad experiences. There are only experiences that we pass judgement on depending on our conditioning, behaviours and beliefs. Using mindful awareness, we can observe what has happened and be open to learning from it.

5. Unless you are in a life or death situation, the fear isn't real. It's the brain's way of keeping you in a safe place that it knows how to manage. When you feel the fear rising ask yourself the following:

Is what I am thinking reality or opinion?

What is the worse thing that can happen?

How will I feel if I succeed?

Then risk assess it and if reasonable - go for it.

It's good for us to step out of our comfort zone.

When you have decided to take the first step to overcome the fear of failure you can set yourself up for success like this:

1 . Work out what you want to achieve.

2. Identify your strengths and weaknesses and play to your strengths while supporting your weaknesses.

3. Set a realistic time scale and break tasks into manageable chunks.

4. Stay focused and work through the tasks methodically and proactively.

5. Stop worrying about what anyone else thinks. Take the pressure off yourself and only concern yourself with your business. Let other people mind their own.

Have faith!

Positivity, focus, mindfulness, clarity and faith are the key to success. What you focus on you attract.

You are amazing so instead of assuming it will go wrong, assume it will go right and enjoy what you are doing.

If you would like to work with me on overcoming your fear, please get in touch,

Speak soon.


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