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How do I know who I really am?

Updated: Jul 19, 2023

Chris Maragkakis

One of the first question my clients ask is how do I know who I really am?

Our identity has been constructed as we have grown up. It's been shaped by life events, conditioning and labelling and we take all of this onboard and become defined by it.

How often have you heard people describe themselves as white, black, Asian, straight, gay, bi, mum, sister etc ( and Obviously there are so many there labels that I could have use so if I haven't used any that apply to you, I'm sorry. I see you, I will endeavour to do better but this is a short podcast. This is what you are not who you are.

The you behind the construction is the one who finds joy in all that they do because they are not caged by fear, are not giving their power away by desiring other people's approval, feel free and are living in alignment with what speaks to the essence of their being and this essence is what is often referred to as the awareness within.

So , that all sounds very empowered and wonderful but how do we let go of fear, know what brings us joy and take back our power from other people so that we can be free to truly be ourselves?

Firstly we need to be mindful. I've said it before-often -and will continue to keep saying it. If you are not aware of the way you are feeling, how you are thinking and what you are doing, how can you possibly start to challenge and change things?

Once we are aware of these things we can use our emotions as the guidance system they were designed for rather than the control mechanism that they have become. So positive emotions let us know that all is well and we are on track or in alignment with our inner being and negative emotions are signposting things that need to be addressed.

So when we feel angry, sad, jealous, frustrated, stressed or depressed we need to pause for a moment, stop allowing the emotion to trigger us and ask ourselves the following.

Where in my body am I feeling this emotion?

In our head, isolated and disconnected from people, our environment, nature or spirituality

If it's a tight throat, this could near that we feel that we are not being heard or can't express ourselves fully or maybe we are being creatively stifled.

If we feel it in our heart, then maybe we are not feeling valued or loved.

In our solar plexus, maybe we feel disempowered, undervalued and lost.

At the base of the spine, insecure, frustrated or overwhelmed.

Once we have identified where we are feeling it, we can work on what we are feeling and then we can explore honestly, why we are feeling that way.

It may be that we think we deserve more or that our needs are more important than others or that its not fair. Whatever it may be, we can learn to accept it , challenge it and then work on changing it. Its a bit like peeling back the layers of an onion with our true self being at the core.

There are several mindfulness practices that we can use to help us go within and get to know ourselves better.

These include:

Finding stillness through meditation



Three whys. An example of which would be, I go for a walk each morning. Why? And then answer it asking why twice more until you get a comprehensive answer.

Tell your story from the third person perspective.

The more self aware you become, the more you will be able to challenge unhelpful and limiting beliefs and behaviours.

You will begin to find ways to like and then love yourself and be proud of the amazing journey you are on and the way in which you are showing up in the world.

You will start to see the futility in arguing with reality and how damaging it is to your wellbeing and life outcomes when you allow other people to define you and hold you back.

You will gradually feel lighter and more joyous as you start to identify what you love to do and how you like to be. Discover what you feel you are drawn to do and be and how free you feel when you finally realise that this is your life t lead, that you are a spiritual being having a human experience and that no-one else is like you and that is what makes us stronger.

We are a human community. We are not meant to all be the same and it is our individual skills and insights that make us collectively more resilient, creative and enlightened. We all have something special to bring to life and when we are authentic and true to ourselves, the people that get us without us being under pressure to impress them will naturally be drawn to us and it's when we support each other in these groups that we all grow, become better at problem solving and coming up with creative solutions to the barriers that life throws up.

It is when we are authentic that we truly become in alignment with our purpose and life mostly goes smoothly because almost without thinking about it, we can see solutions and opportunities.

This is how we become free.

Take care.


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