As human beings we have a need to be accepted. We don't want to be excluded from the tribe but over the years that can mean that we lose ourselves or give to much power to others to decide how we should be or how we should live.
We want to be liked. We want to be respected but the truth is that no matter what we do, there will always be some people who don't like us and that is absolutely OK. They will always be some people that we don't like either.
The danger lies in changing ourselves in the hope of currying their favour. It won't help. They will simply change the goals posts. It's a similar thing to building our identity around the job that we have,the house we live in or the car that we drive. Very quickly it becomes outdated and we have to work harder to keep up, all the while ignoring the real us that is desperate to be acknowledged. Because our true self / spirit or whatever you want to call it is being stifled we can end up feeling overwhelmed or anxious or depressed. Our self esteem can bottom out and we feel that we have lost our way.
What do we do about this?
Well here is some earth shattering news. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of us. The only person we ever have to impress is ourselves.
No one else knows the essence of us or the journey that we are on and by holding onto these people that judge us, we are not making space for the people who will support us to step into our lives.
So. STEP 1
No surprise as this is me but we have to start practising Mindfulness.
We need to start creating time and space to get to know ourselves. The way that we think and behave do that we can question them and see whether they are our thoughts and behaviours or those that we have been taught.
Let go of our identity
It's difficult when we have built our identity up over years of conditioning to start making changes. Our ego likes things the way they are because it is comfortable in managing us this way . We have created a whole life around who we think we should be to be liked and accepted but when we start to make space to like ourselves, we have to be prepared to let the old us go. This can cause feelings of anxiety but these CAN be managed.
Start with your core values.
Make a list of all the things that are important to you and then after placing one against another , whittle it down to the top 10 characteristics. Then look for areas in your life where you are not being true to your values and look for ways to make changes.
Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing or thinks.
Byron Katie says that there are 3 types of business: my business, your business and God's business and you are only unhappy when you are in someone else's business. This is so true. What someone else is doing or what they think of you is firmly in their business. You focus on minding your business and living the best way that you can.
Speak your truth.
It serves no purpose to lie. If you have made a mistake, own it and learn from it. If you are asked your opinion, state it kindly and with compassion. If you are asked to do something that you are not comfortable doing, explain why in clear, kind and compassionate language and work together with the person asking to find a compromise that you are comfortable with. If you are not speaking your truth, you are not being authentic.
These steps may seem incredibly difficult and there will be times when they are but to step into our own power and own our lives so that we can live in a way that feels authentic and true will bring huge joy.
This is how you will know that you are in alignment with your inner being. You will feel light and happy and full of love.
This is your natural state and you can rediscover it.
It is SO worth the effort.
If you would like to work with me on being true to yourself, please get in touch.