This is a tough one for lots of people to hear but it's actually the most liberating and powerful concept.
You are totally responsible for the life you are living right now.
I'll just let that sink in for a moment.
Things that have happened in the past may have been out of your control but as an adult, how you have chosen to respond to them or allow them to effect you today is your responsibility.
The thing is that we are conditioned to believe that our happiness us external.
You know what I mean. I'll be happy when I have this job, house, partner, baby etc. The list will be endless because while these things may make us happy for a short while, we will soon look for other things that we NEED to make us happy if we haven't grasped the truth which is that only we can make ourselves happy.
Happiness is an internal thing and if we are not happy in ourselves, no amount of love, money big houses or fantastic cars and going to change that. We will just be unhappy in comfort.
So how can we move towards taking responsibility for our lives?
1. Be mindful. We need to question what it is in our life that is making us unhappy or causing us pain. It may not be a pleasant process and we may not like what we learn about ourselves but it has to be the first step in finding happiness, contentment and fulfillment.
2. Be honest with yourself and others but do it with kindness and compassion. Be honest about your strengths and weaknesses, be honest about your relationships, your work ethic, your mindset and how you live your life.
It's not your job to make everyone happy either. If you don't want to do something, have a stockpile of genuine and kind responses to excuse yourself. If you are constantly worrying about what someone else is doing or how they are behaving, ask yourself why ? It's their business, you should be living in your business.
3. Be authentic (listen to podcast number for more about that)
It's exhausting and depressing trying to be something to everyone. Be yourself in every situation and feel the weight lift from your shoulders. People will either like and respect you or they won't and that is none of your business (there's more about that in podcast)
4.Let go. There are people who won't want you to be happy and authentic and that is completely ok. They are no longer meant to be in your life. There doesn't need to be a confrontation, just mentally thank them for their time and friendship and let them fade out of your life. The people that resonate with who and how you are will be attracted into your life and they are the right people for you for now.
5 Be proactive.
Identify what you want from life. Use tools like goal setting or journaling and work out who you are, what you want, how you want to live and who you want in your life and then do something everyday towards achieving your goals.
If you find that a belief or a behaviour is holding you back or causing you pain, be proactive. Find a coach and work through the issue. You may baulk at the cost originally but ask yourself what the long term cost will be if you don't work through these issues.
This is not an act of selfishness. Your happiness will improve your mental health, your wellbeing, relationships and have a positive impact on everyone around you so working on yourself is kinda like community service.
As always, if you have any questions or suggestions or want to be proactive and start your coaching journey, then please get in touch.
Take care.
Chris x