Confidence is essentially having trust in one's own abilities.
Without it, we struggle to problem solve, make decisions, set boundaries and form lasting, equal relationships. It can also cause us to feel overwhelmed and anxious and to need the approval of others.
With it, we are empowered to move forward in life comfortable with our ability to deal with whatever life throws at us. We are secure in ourselves and how we present in the world.
Confidence is not to be confused with arrogance which is the exaggeration of our abilities and self-worth, and is often an indicator of low self esteem or someone with imposter syndrome.
10 steps to confidence:
1. Become Mindful. By paying attention to our thoughts, feelings and behaviours we can begin to identify where our lack of confidence stems from and what it is impacting on.
2 Stop negative thoughts and self talk. Constantly putting yourself down is exhausting and self destructive. When you talk about yourself negatively, you tell other people how to see you and give them permission to talk about you in a negative way too. When you notice a negative thought arising, question it and then challenge it.
3. Surround yourself with positive people and situations. Choose people who build you up and make you feel great and minimise contact with people or situations that bring you down.
4 Stop judging yourself by other people's standards. You are amazing, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Wanting to be like someone else or have what they have will only lead to misery. Not only that, you have no way of knowing what they have had to go through to get it. Learn to accept and be grateful for who you are and what you have. The more authentic you are, the more your confidence will grow as you will need other people's approval less and less and those people that respond to the inner you, will be drawn in to your life. You will feel comfortable around these people and this will also boost your confidence.
5. Change your body language and look people in the eye. Stand tall, stop trying to hide away. You don't have to be front and centre but we all want to be seen, heard and recognised.
6.Step out of your comfort zone. Try not to follow the routine of your life everyday. Start small. Maybe buy a different food at the supermarket or walk a different way to work, but a new cup or say yes instead of automatically saying no. Each time you do something different, your resilience and confidence grows. Even if you don't like what you did, you have survived it and learnt something new about yourself.
7. Use affirmations. I am are two of the most powerful words in the universe so use them to your benefit. You can google affirmations or buy books and cards with affirmations on. I post an affirmation every Monday on my social media for you to use or you can choose your own. Make it present tense, make it positive and make it believable. Things like I am growing more confident everyday or I am a good person. I am kind and true to myself.
8. Use goal setting. Write down how you would like your life to look. Don't impose any barriers. Break each wish into small tasks that you can do something regularly towards achieving it. See yourself living the life you want and work towards making it happen
9. Journal your journey. It's so easy to forget how far we have come and what we have achieved. Buy a nice notebook. It doesn't have to be expensive and there are loads with empowering messages on them. In the front, write down your goals and review them regularly. When you have achieved it, write done, thank you next to it. At the back, write down all your successes and skills. It may be a small list to start off with and that's absolutely ok. The more confident you become, the more you will realise what skills and successes you have achieved.
10. Accept that things don't always go right for you and that it's not failure but an opportunity to learn and grow. We have the experience we need so that we can grow and develop the skills we will need later in life. How do we know we need to have this experience? Because its happening and we can't argue with reality. Accept the lesson with gratitude,learn, adapt and move on.
Each of these tips used alone will help you to build your confidence but if you use them all consistently, you will blossom.
If you would like to begin your coaching journey to confidence ,please get in touch.
Chris x
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12 Jul 2022, 12:0