Before I get started, let me clarify that forgiving someone does not mean that you should forget their behaviour nor does it mean that there should be no consequence to their actions.
Forgiveness means letting go of the need to have retribution or holding a grudge. When we do either of these we allow our subconscious to replay the events like a film over and over again causing us deep rooted pain and constant suffering. Through forgiveness we can begin to understand the process of how to let go of anger or resentment.
Every thought, word and deed either from us or too us or about us creates an energetic memory or vibration if you prefer and we store this energy in our body.
Positive thoughts, words and deeds create great energy that enables us to thrive and grow while negative energy brings us down and can cause short and long term mental and physical issues.
When someone does or says something that we feel is unjust or unkind, we are hurt, maybe feel or betrayed and often want to have our say or prove to them how unworthy they are and it is this that ironically causes us the most damage.
They only have to complete their action once but we play it out over and over again. Looking for justification for our pain or thinking of the things we should have said and it gains more and more importance in our mind and power in our body.
This is due to the ego's mind.
Our ego ALWAYS puts us at the centre of the action because the ego is the part of our mind that identifies with I and is therefore self important and looks to "win" in every situation.
The fact of the matter is that no-one wins when we try to dominate each other especially as when someone is unkind or behaves badly towards us, it often has absolutely nothing to do with us. We have just been the catalyst to their trigger.
A trigger is a unconscious belief that causes us to react in a certain way.
We react in that way because we have been conditioned to believe that a certain behaviour is a challenge to our ego and we have repeated this chain of events so often that it has now become so ingrained in our subconscious that we aren't even aware of why we do it.
Something causes us pain, we lash out and then cope with the aftermath in the same way we always have since the trigger was created.
This is not healthy behaviour.
It is more proactive and positive to monitor our thoughts and actions through the act of mindfulness so that we can identify our pain points and then challenge and change our reactions to them so that we move from being triggered to responding.
When we choose to respond, it is a conscious action that has been chosen to produce the best outcome and comes from a position of compassion and kindness.
When we hold on to all this hurt we fill up with negative and stagnant energy that brings us down. The underlying stress of all this whirring in the background of our mind contributes to our illness and dissatisfaction. We may start to feel hopeless or victimised and that people or society is always out to get us which then creates a fear based mentally and a perpetual cycle of pain and emotional suffering.
What we feel in the heart, the mind creates.
Negative emotions are signposts to things that need to be addressed jut as pain is uncomfortable, we will often do all that we can to suppress or numb the pain with negative coping strategies such as alcohol, food, media etc.
The more negative emotions we are trying to suppress, the more energy we are actually feeding them and so they continue to grow causing us even more pain and suffering. Because as I said, what we feel in the heart, effects our belief and our beliefs shape our reality.
Many belief systems have understood how our mind and heart are connected and have systems in place to help people move through their emotions to a place of peace.
The process begins with acceptance.
Acceptance of the situation that needs to be addressed and of our responsibility in what happened.
Although in our eyes we may not have done anything wrong or deserved this, we must take responsibility for our actions triggering the other person and for the pain this has caused them.
We are not responsible for their mindset, emotional state or pain. That is their responsibility to address but as a human in a collective consciousness, what hurts one of us will ultimately effect all of us and that we have causes another sentient being suffering will cause us pain if we do not address it.
The process then moves to asking for forgiveness. From them for our part in triggering their pain and from ourselves for anything that we may have done in this or in any situation in all of our past lives that has consciously or unconsciously caused pain to ourselves or others
Guilt serves no purpose other than as a signpost for something that needs to be addressed. We cannot change the past, we can only apologise for any harm and learn from our actions once we have done that and then we need to let it go so that we can create space to welcome in positivity.
Love for our fellow beings is the most powerful energy, when we live life from an open and compassionate heart, we open our lives up to abundance and joy, health and opportunity.
From this place we can see how fortunate we are to have these learning experiences that have brought us to this place in our lives and given us so many riches in the form of family, friends, physical possessions and opportunities to learn and grow and so we can practice gratitude.
All of these steps, relieve us of our Karmic burdens, reduce our stress, anxiety, depression and overwhelm and help us to move from a point of pain to a position of openness and peace.
The Hawaiians have a practice called ho'oponopono which means correction or forgiveness and is embodies in the following prayer which should be repeated 7-8 times daily with your eyes closed and with genuine intent either for yourself, another person, your community or the world.
It goes like this
Please forgive me
I love you
With each repetition, our past actions move from the subconscious to the conscious where we can reconcile our emotions, repent, forgive and be grateful for the sentience that allows us to enjoy this beautiful life. This process shows us how to let go of anger and resentment.
If you would like to know more about how you can let go of past hurt and find forgiveness, please get in touch.